This post is part of the ‘Tales From The Other Side Of …’ series. There are so many stages, achievements, milestones and heartbreaks we go through as parents and whatever we are experiencing, whether good, bad, exciting or terrifying, it’s always nice to know someone else has already done it and come through the other side. To find out how you can get involved and share your story/tips and tricks click here. Today we have the lovely Parminder Kaur Sharma sharing the lessons she has learnt as a parent.
The term ‘parenting’ is ranking very high in search engines these days . Be it parenting tips, seminar, books .. everything.
Why of all the relationships, parenting has gained so much fame? When I tried to figure it out, I found that each parent feels he/she ‘owns’ the child and wants the best configuration for his ‘product’. Nowadays with the alarming issues catching headlines with children being involved in heinous crimes, has made us stop and realise that we are seriously going wrong somewhere.
“My pain your gain”
Smart people learn from their mistakes. Smarter from other’s
The 5 lessons that I learnt from my mistakes of parenting:
1. Change in equation
Parenting today is not the same way as our parents/grandparents did. I am sure this is true for every country, every culture. It’s no longer a ‘Boss – Subordinate’ equation now.
We need to understand this change that one cannot now rule the child by force. Forceful parenting results in rebellion children. The emphasis should be on relationship building rather than getting things done making him obey your instructions. Once you win his faith, he would, on his own , follow your guidance .
2. Children today outweigh their senior generation in terms of intelligence
Ok. Let us accept this fact for the benefit of all. Kids today are more intelligent than us . My kids, both under 10, ask me questions that haven’t occurred to me even today, when I am about to touch 40. They grasp things much better than us.
But we, as a parent ought to provide them our wisdom which is undoubtedly more than their knowledge, owing to our experience. Now again delivery of wisdom to someone of higher intelligence need to be handled delicately. The key here again is trust building because only with trust would he be willing to gain what you have to offer.
3. And they are aware of this fact!
Problem does not end here that they are smarter. The real problem is they are well aware of this. Now whether they say this to your face or chose to spare your ego, it’s totally their choice!
How do you expect things not to run rough in view of the above. So, we will have to forgo the ‘preach-ology’ our parents had adopted and be in a more ‘directive’ mode, ready to help, as and when needed. Don’t worry. You will get immense opportunities to guide him but only when he comes and asks for it.
4. Guilt conscious parents
We, as a parent are too busy, too stressed out, too engulfed that we are already drained up at the young (read as not-too-old) age bracket of 30’s or 40’s.
We have hardly any time or energy left within us. This stand true for working (at home and/or at Office) moms, serviced/business dads… virtually every category of parent. On the other hand kids today are blessed with super vigour.
To cope up or to satisfy our guilt we tend to replace our time with objects, personal bond with gadgets. This is the biggest mistake I committed as a parent.
Don’t try to replace natural play with cosmetic tools like gadgets. Don’t aim to be the facilitator, aiming to facilitate every possible/affordable stuff available in this world. Rather spend time with them and explore the nature together. Go out for running, trekking or just a evening in the garden outside. Trust me it will be more worthy than the play stations.
5. Too much outsourcing
I have seen mothers roaming in parks/markets with bags or other stuff held with them but child being held by a maid. What I have learnt and experienced myself as a parent is ‘physical touch’ matters a lot. Parents on the other hand tend to outsource this beautiful gift of parenting also. Touch, hug, pat your child as much as you can.
Nobody can be a better coach to your kid than the father (or even mother). I am talking about the initial years of playing and not the professional training. I have seen kids as young as 4 being trained for basket ball, tennis, skating by a cold ‘trainer’. Now why parents are missing this opportunity of spending a beautiful time together by playing along. At the same time this can serve as a ‘work-out’ time for the parent as well. A ‘win- win’ situation for both.
It is important to build trust first, for any relationship and parenting is no exception.
Just be with and enjoy the beautiful journey of learning for both the parent and child, both parenting and kidding!!
Thank you Parminder for sharing these lessons. I think we can all agree that at the end of the day we just want what is best for our children, and more often than not, what is best, is us.
You can connect Parminder on her blog or twitter: