This post forms part of the A-Z of Self-Care for Busy Parents series. If you missed the introductory post you can read it here.
If theres one thing the human race is good at, its holding on to resentment and anger. Whether it’s a serious betrayal or as simple as being cut up at a junction, we had a tendency to play the situation over and over in our minds, getting angrier and more hurt in the process. But what’s the point? All we are really doing is hurting ourselves over and over again.
“Holding on to anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.” Buddha
Holding on to resentment not only has a negative impact on our mental health, but the increased stress levels have a direct affect on our physical wellbeing as well. And it’s not only other’s we get angry with. We also have a tendency to get angry with ourselves for all the little things we think we do wrong.
If we really want to take better care of ourselves, we need to work on forgiveness of others and of ourselves. It’s worth noting that forgiveness doesn’t mean we weren’t wronged, it doesn’t mean we should forget, it simply means letting go of the negative feelings associated with the event so that we can move forward with our lives from a place of positivity.
It can be easy to say you should forgive and move on, but how? Obviously, the bigger the hurt the harder it is to forgive, but it is possible.
- Try putting yourself in the other person’s shoes, perhaps they were going through something of their own that caused them to act out of character, perhaps you misunderstood their intention.
- Think back to a time you made a mistake and needed forgiveness.
- Acknowledge that we are all human and we all make mistakes.
- Write out all your feelings and then burn the paper.
- Talk to someone. Sometimes we just want to be heard and once we have vented we are able to let go and move forward.
- Remember that forgiving is more about bringing you peace of mind than them.
Mom-guilt is such a common phrase these days that many of us just accept it as a normal part of life. But it’s not. We need to stop berating ourselves for every single thing we think we may have done wrong. Most of the time it’s less about having done it wrong and more about not having done it the way someone else would. We are constantly comparing ourselves to others and it needs to stop.
- Realise that nobody is perfect and everyone makes mistakes.
- Treat yourself as you would your best friend.
- If you have done something to hurt another person, whether intentional or not, apologise so that you can both move on.
- Shift your focus onto all of the things you have done right; the things you are proud of.
This week, when you find yourself playing scenarios over and over in your head, stop. Take a few deep breaths and focus on forgiveness. Let go of the little things and work through the big, so that you can ditch the negativity and the stress and anger it brings and move forward.
Need more tips for self-care? Don’t want to miss the rest of the series? Enter your details in the box below to receive it in your inbox every week. And remember to bookmark the introductory post (here), the links to each new post will be added on to there as they are published.