This post is part of the ‘Tales From The Other Side Of …’ series. There are so many stages, achievements, milestones and heartbreaks we go through as parents and whatever we are experiencing, whether good, bad, exciting or terrifying, it’s always nice to know someone else has already done it and come through the other side. To find out how you can get involved and share your story/tips and tricks click here. Today we have the lovely Roxanna-Sasha from The Resilient Mum with the truly inspiring story of how she broke free of negativity.


When life throws us a curve ball and everything seems set against us it can be all too easy to sink into the negativity. Roxanne-Sasha faced just that but fought her way back, read how here ...

I still remember it as if it were yesterday; I mean how could I ever forget?! Three years ago, the doctor delivered some news that was set to change my life – forever! She told me that I was going to be a mum and I sat there speechless, not knowing whether to smile or ask her if she was joking. At the time, I had just landed an amazing role as a deputy manager, I was so excited to progress in my career. However, it was just not meant to be.

As I sat with my ex relaying this information to him, it was evident at this point that I was going to be on my own. He kept making empty promises time and time again, saying he would be there, but he never would. As time went on our relationship changed and we became very distant, I grew to hate him so much that just hearing his voice stirred up so much anger within me.

I could no longer keep up with the day to day tasks of my new role because I was under a lot of stress and in the beginning of my pregnancy I was constantly sick, I spent so much time at the hospital doing tests or being monitored because initially they believed my pregnancy could have been ectopic because of the situation surrounding it. I come from a very prayerful family and we prayed against all of that and refused to believe it to be true. God indeed had other plans when it came to my daughter, I could feel it.

Once I had stopped working I became even more sad and I felt really depressed, not to mention anxious. I was constantly trying to fathom why this was happening to me and why I did not have my ex’s support. I felt disappointed in him, but also extremely disappointed in myself. It was not that I was not happy that I was going to be a mum, but I felt like this should have been a great moment for my ex and I to share. We did talk about having children when we were much younger, but the way in which this happened was clearly a shock to both of us. Although I adjusted to the idea of motherhood very early, my ex did not.

During my pregnancy, I struggled with feelings of negativity, I was hardly ever happy and if I was, once I was alone in my bedroom I would curl up and cry because I knew that I was alone. I had stopped going to church for many months because I was ashamed and felt that I had let everyone down. I planned to be married and to have a distinguished career before having any children, however my plans changed slightly. My father often shared his feelings of dissatisfaction with me, stating I had ruined my life and that he expected a lot better from me. It was distressing to listen to, especially when your parents have put you on a pedestal from a very youthful age and they expect you to excel in everything that you do. To be fair, my mother always wants the best for me, naturally as any mother would want for her child, but she has always accepted what I would like to do without question. My dad however, expected a lot and when I failed to deliver it took ages for him to come around. We are on speaking terms now, but of course we have a long way to go before our relationship is healed fully. I take it one day at a time and trust that God will do the rest.

All the feelings of anger, resentment and bitterness that I felt did truly affect me, they changed me as an individual, I became so bitter it shocked a lot of my family and friends because they were convinced I was a different person. I was deeply unhappy with my situation at that point and I saw no way of escape. A peculiar feeling in my stomach almost always occurred when I had negative feelings; my stomach would start to tighten and it really hurt, it was almost like my daughter was telling me something. I had read up on pregnancy and babies, so much so that I realised that whatever we feel our babies usually feel too. That was a big wake up call for me and I slowly began to change the way I was thinking and feeling so as not to affect her.

When life throws us a curve ball and everything seems set against us it can be all too easy to sink into the negativity. Roxanne-Sasha faced just that but fought her way back, read how here ...

After some time and a lot of prayer, I plucked up the courage to go back to church and it was the greatest thing I could have ever done for my daughter and I.  Granted not everyone is religious and I accept that, but if there is something that you do that brings you peace, I encourage you to pursue it. Don’t be put off, but go with your heart and seek things that make your heart smile. Positive energy and feelings of peace and harmony are what you need to be surrounded by.

Things only got better when I finally got to meet my daughter, despite my birth being a slight nightmare! I can wholeheartedly say that without a doubt that has been the best day of my life thus far. For every tear I shed, for every inch of a pain I felt, all the sleepless nights, the exasperating hospital trips, all of the rejection, the hurt I endured and for every negative emotion that once held me hostage, it was all worth it. God blessed me with the greatest blessing known to man and that is my daughter. I have accomplished so many things in my life, in the same year I completed my degree and graduated, but that did not come close to the feeling of gratification I feel whenever I look at my daughter.

From that day onwards, I swore to be the best version of myself, I owed it to my daughter and to myself. She may be too little to understand, but one day she will know how much of a fighter her mum is. I have been blogging for many years, but my story gave me the name; “The Resilient Mum” and my daughter gave me the passion and inspiration to blog to help other single mothers worldwide rather than blogging about generic ramblings. So, you see, earlier I highlighted how prior to having my daughter I was in a well-paid job and an excellent role, but was it something I had always wanted to do? No, it was not. My daughter gave me back my passion! My daughter gave me back my life! She also gave me back my smile and my happiness. I am not entirely sure whether I will have any more children in the future, but I do know that my beautiful daughter has my whole entire heart. Sometimes what we think is going to change our lives, does end up changing our life, but it changes our lives for the better.

I can tell you that being negative is not fun, nor does it make anyone want to be around you for too long. It constantly causes people to leave you feeling drained and really, nobody wants to feel like that. Changing my mindset and my thought process was a great start, for me as mentioned earlier praying and rebuilding my relationship with God was the foundation and learning to forgive and let go helped to seal the deal. I have forgiven my daughters dad for every wrong doing he has done and for all of what he has left me to endure because I do not have the energy to dislike him. How can I, when he has helped to create the most important person in my life other than God. I always pray for him and I pray that wherever he is and whatever he is doing that he is well. I chose to let go of all of the past and the hurt because where I am going, I really do not need to carry this baggage with me. The journey that I am on now is taking my daughter and I to higher places. I have met some amazing mothers through The Resilient Mum and I am so grateful to hear how much I inspire and encourage others to keep pressing on. That is my goal. I never want another single mother to suffer in silence or feel as if she is alone. I want to build a community where single mothers unite and know that there are other single mothers who can help them out. This is what is missing sometimes within our community; unity and togetherness. Sometimes you can be surrounded by a group of people, but still feel alone.

I challenge you in future if you see a single mother who is by herself, smile at her and give her a compliment. Who knows, you could be the first person she has spoken to that day and maybe your compliment will stop her from going home and crying because she feels that she is unpretty and nobody notices her.

My mission is far from over, in fact it has just begun and I know that I have a long way to go, but I truly hope that my story encourages someone out there to know that no matter how difficult your circumstance is, you have the power within you to overcome anything that is thrown your way. There were times when I felt like this was the end for me, but it was only the start. Use your suffering, use your pain to help you to reach your full potential in life. The way I perceive it is that anything that is thrown your way is not meant to break you, but to make you stronger. God does not give you what you cannot handle. With struggles come triumphs and they help to build character. Your struggles will birth something amazing in your life and you may just be the individual who will reach out and help to change someone else’s life because of what you have been through.

Be encouraged and know that everything happens for a reason. Believe in yourself and believe that there is so much greatness within you waiting to come out. I believe in you, you’ve got this mama!

With Love,

Roxanne-Sasha x

-The Resilient Mum

If Roxanne-Sasha’s story moved you as it did me then go check out her blog and social media (links below) and spread the love by sharing this post x

the resilient mum
Bridie By The Sea
The Pramshed
Hot Pink Wellingtonsethannevelyn.com
Reflectionsfromme

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32 thoughts on “How I Broke Free From Negativity by The Resilient Mum

  1. During my first pregnancy I was also very depressed but for very different reasons. Pregnancy and childbirth had apparently triggered my PTSD but I didn’t know it at the time. Since then I have come to think more positively and I have learned to look at life as a glass half full instead of a glass half empty. I’m so glad you were able to turn things around for yourself and for your daughter:)

    Posted on 5 September, 2017 at 12:28 pm
  2. Such an inspiring post! I am also a single mum and have worked hard to change my mindset over the years, along with being much more choosy about who I spend my time with.
    The world is so full of hate and negativity, it can be easy to be swallowed up by it, but if we do that how can we be the best mamas we can be for our kids, or the best versions of ourselves?
    Focusing on the positive is a lifestyle, and it’s one I’m definitely planning to keep.

    Posted on 5 September, 2017 at 2:13 pm
    1. She’s an inspiring woman for sure. The people we spend time with definitely has a huge impact x

      Posted on 6 September, 2017 at 7:03 am
  3. My mummy has had a tough year and has to believe that everything happens for a reason. We’re glad she found her smile again x #DreamTeam
    Baby Isabella recently posted…PJ Masks Jumping Adventure at Oxygen FreejumpingMy Profile

    Posted on 5 September, 2017 at 7:05 pm
  4. Nice post. It’s interesting sometimes the smallest gesture can make your day. We really do need to work out how to let go of our baggage #Dreamteam

    Posted on 6 September, 2017 at 3:34 am
  5. Thank you for sharing this truly empowering piece. I think it’s so inspirational to see how one person can go through such challenges and come through the other side, not only stronger, but strong enough to use that experience to help others. Beautiful piece and a fantastic idea for a series. Thanks for linking Alana x #DreamTeam

    Posted on 6 September, 2017 at 4:48 pm
    1. She’s definitely an inspiration! Thank you 😊

      Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 10:47 am
  6. its so easy to concentrate on negatives in life but I try and push them to one side my mum always tells me its just a bad day not a bad life which is sometimes hard to see sometime great post #fortheloveofblog

    Posted on 6 September, 2017 at 8:37 pm
    1. So true. Your mum sounds like a wise woman x

      Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 10:48 am
  7. I think if you can find something that helps you break that chain of negativity and that brings you peace and mindfullness, that helps you see things in a positive, reflective and more content light then go for it. #sharingthebloglove

    Posted on 7 September, 2017 at 9:32 am
    1. So very true x

      Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 10:55 am
  8. What a great story to read this morning. Thanks for sharing Roxanne-Sasha’s story.
    Jodie
    http://www.jtouchofstyle.com
    #FabFridayPost

    Posted on 8 September, 2017 at 1:18 pm
    1. She’s an incredible woman x

      Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 10:59 am
  9. I can’t imagine how hard it must be to be a single parent – I know how much I struggle at times with my partner to lean on. But I do know how much negativity can be a cycle that is really difficult to get out of. Well done for managing to turn that around – this is such an inspiring story! Thanks Alana for sharing it with us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    Posted on 8 September, 2017 at 8:53 pm
    1. It must have taken a great deal of strength to pull herself out. Such an inspiring woman x

      Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 11:02 am
  10. What a beautiful story. And such an important message about being nice to each other as mums. Single, or even not single, so many of us go entire days not speaking to another adult. #fortheloveofBLOG
    Aleena recently posted…The Weightloss Edit: Week 2My Profile

    Posted on 10 September, 2017 at 6:08 pm
    1. So true, it can be very isolating x

      Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 11:05 am
  11. Lovely inspiring post. We can all turn out lives around by transforming our thoughts and finding our resilience. Thank you for sharing your story. #dreamteam

    Posted on 11 September, 2017 at 6:41 am
    1. So true, the power is within us. It’s having the strength to find it x

      Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 11:09 am
  12. Being a single mum does have a lot of challenges! I’m glad you found peace in the Church. Inner peace really does help us deal with negativity!
    Modern Gypsy recently posted…Hope for the inner childMy Profile

    Posted on 11 September, 2017 at 11:36 am
    1. She’s definitely an inspiration x

      Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 11:16 am
  13. I’m in awe of you. In fact, of every single mother out there. I cannot imagine how tough it must be for you and the fact that you fought the negativity, that says volumes for your spirit. I’m a working mom and I know I wouldn’t have been able to do it alone, even though I do most of the heavy lifting when it comes to my daughter, it would have been tougher alone. Hugs and more power to you.

    Posted on 11 September, 2017 at 12:21 pm
    1. She’s is so incredibly strong to have come so far and turned things around the way she has. Such an inspiring lady x

      Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 11:50 am
  14. A very inspiring story and a brave one to tell. I applaud all single parents as it’s not an easy journey with two parents and I can’t imaging what it would be like alone. I’m pleased she found the support to change her mindset, that is never an easy thing to do. But recognising that you need to is always the first step. Thank you for joining us at #SharingtheBlogLove

    Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 9:22 am
    1. You’re so right. It’s not an easy journey even when you have the support you need. She’s an inspiration for sure x

      Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 11:40 am
  15. Such an inspirational post. Thanks for sharing on #fortheloveofblog

    Posted on 12 September, 2017 at 7:15 pm
  16. Roxanne-Sasha, I am a single mum too and I think you are just brilliant. Pen x #mg
    Pen recently posted…A room of my ownMy Profile

    Posted on 13 September, 2017 at 10:07 pm
  17. An inspirational post, thanks for sharing x #SharingtheBlogLove

    Posted on 14 September, 2017 at 9:57 pm
  18. Wow! What an honest and well written post! Braking free from negativity definitely makes you a bigger person indeed!

    Thank you so much for linking up with us on #FabFridayPost
    Su {Ethan & Evelyn} recently posted…#FabFridayPost August 2017 Round UpMy Profile

    Posted on 14 September, 2017 at 11:17 pm
  19. this is incredible and really reached me at my core. I know that pressure to be perfect to have family expectations and expectations of ourselves. What an inspiration she is xx #mg

    Posted on 15 September, 2017 at 1:18 pm
  20. You are living proof that we can set our mindset and control our own destiny! Bravo mama! You made it out and are all the stronger for it! This is a happy ending, that is really just a beginning. Teach your daughter well and she too will have the power inside! #FabFridayPost xoxo Sending you a hug and a smile

    Posted on 22 September, 2017 at 12:08 pm
  21. Hi Alana, thank you for sharing Roxanne’s story. Changing our mindset isn’t easy and has to be a conscious thing undertaken over time. It’s that first step that is important. Whether it’s going to church or taking walks with the dogs, we all have our happy place and that is where we find the strength to carry on and be more positive. I’m sure Roxanne’s struggle will help her be a positive example in her daughters’ eyes.

    xx

    Posted on 4 November, 2017 at 7:57 am